G and I knew for years that under ugly cracked tile, and layers of linoleum, and layers of tarpaper, and layers of crud, there were original maple floors in our kitchen. The question was – after we excavated down to them, would we regret it? Would they look like Swiss cheese? Would they be stained? Would there be a chalk outline of a dead body? Would there be a secret message written on them, starting us on a Nic Cage-like thriller in which we have to solve a patriotic mystery or raise an Arizonian baby?
Actual demolition of the floors happened months ago – I don’t even have pictures of it. But imagine a black cloud of dusty smoke and you can’t breathe and there’s sharp jagged tiles and you look down and your leg is bleeding but then it’s obscured by more black dust clouds and you’re scared and that’s the gist of it. Here’s what’s happened over the last few weeks, and how we brought our maple floors back to the year 1910.
STEP 1: After demo, we patched the spaces where walls were moved and where the old staircase used to be (we moved the staircase from the kitchen to the center of the house – check the floorplans for details). We bought maple flooring from Lumber Liquidators and filled in the new spaces.
STEP 2: Are you left with black gummy tar paper on your floors? Then you need to scrape it all off. I suggest you avoid this step or pay someone – anyone – to do it for you. It stinks. I mean that literally. It smells like death. If a 40 pound rat that had been rotting in sour milk fell into a vat of hot tar and then you had to hold it under your nose while eating onions in a frat house, that would be a more pleasant experience compared to this.
STEP 3: You’ve made it to sanding! We thought we could start by sanding the floors with this orbital sander (rented from the Crafty Beaver – yes, there are home centers in Chicago called the Crafty Beaver, and they are great. They are both Crafty and Beavery if the word beavery meant awesome). However, this orbital sander did not have enough “umph” to do the job. So we moved on to the big guns – the DRUM SANDER.
Careful, boys and girls. One false move with the drum sander and you will gouge the yowza out of your floors. You have to ENGAGE THE SANDING TRIGGER AS YOU MOVE THE SANDER. Never engage in a stationary position, or you will be a gouger. This drum sander was rented from Home Depot. We sanded with 36, then 60, then 80, then 120 (or something like that – whatever grit order they have, get it). ALSO – pay attention, braniac. Don’t run over the cord while you’re sanding. (Confidential to Martin at Home Depot: thanks for not charging me for running over the cord while sanding).
One side has been sanded. One has not. BUT WHICH ONE?
STEP 4: Hand sand the spots the drum sander can’t reach – corners and edges. Actually, we really ran this sander over the entire floor for a nice smooth finish.
STEP 5: Psych yourself up for finishing. I suggest playing Mamma Said Knock You Out or Welcome to the Jungle or Lunch I Det Grønne – (“by the greatest band in Norway – no, the WORLD, the Dum Dum Boys” – G).
We used a product called Bona AmberSeal – a waterborne sealer that provides a bit of an amber color.
Pour a little on the floor, then spread it out evenly with a lambswool pad. Work around the floors. Honestly, G is THE MASTER at this. It’s the 2nd time we’ve used this product, and I swear he should teach workshops. He should write a book and go on a nationwide speaking tour. You should watch tv late at night and see G demonstrating his moves in an infomercial. I would make an appearance on the infomercial and repeat a catchphrase like “It’s The Finish With Finesse!” The Dum Dum Boys would make an appearance, too, playing drums on the floors to prove their durability.
Bona AmberSeal looks like melted caramel. BUT DON’T EAT IT, KIDS.
Now let it dry for like a day.
STEP 6: (I know, I’m getting tired, too – TL;DR much?)
Next day – we followed with Bona Traffic commercial satin. It’s a two part, super strong polyurethane.
You apply it the same way as the AmberSeal. We applied two coats – with 24 hours in between coats and a light hand sanding with a super fine grit before the 2nd coat. It becomes 100% cured in a week.
STEP 7: Enjoy your floors. Go take a nap.
“But A” you say. “These floors are done and you said this post is Part 1. So what is Part 2?”
In Part 2, I will show you all the bad parts – the flaws, mess-ups and errors we made along the way. Maybe I’d call them DIY Bloopers, but I think “blooper” is a truly awful word. Blooper. Disgusting. Anyway – gird yourselves for Part 2.
