meet oslo

Confession: we are the last people who should be dishing out dog grooming tips. G and I have the greatest 10 year old Newf you could ever be lucky enough to know, but manohman we are terrible groomers. Actually, in order to qualify as terrible you have to groom them in the first place, so we’re out of the running. But some of you with pups may insist on staying in your home while remodeling, like we did. Here’s what we should have read and followed years ago:

1. Brush the bejezus out of them. Every day if you can, or just a marathon brushing once a week while Real Housewives of Peoria is on. You’ll pull out all the crazy dust and debris that’s flying all over the place – which you can never, ever, ever get rid of during construction.

2. A bath? I don’t know. For us, Oslo is 160 pounds of pure lady dog. It’s hard to get her into the tub. Plus, Newfs shouldn’t get baths too often. But sure, knock your socks off if you want. See? I’m already getting lazy here.

3. Nails – keep them short (I’m really blowing your mind with these tips, I know). In reality, we never clip Oslo’s nails. I thought Chicago’s sidewalks were like nature’s nail groomers, but I was wrong. I tiled the entry last year and before the grout had cured Oslo went running through and now there are big gouges in the grout lines. Lesson learned.

4. The Clippers – A couple times a year, especially in the summer, we invite Elton Brand to come and use the dog hair clippers on Oslo, so she can stay cooler in the heat. Shorter hair = cooler dog. Actually, I’m lying. We had to stop inviting Elton in 2008. I don’t know any other Los Angeles Clippers players so the joke ends here. G could probably keep this going much longer. But really, this tip has nothing to do with home remodeling. Just long-haired dogs.